Contemplation in the Dead Zone

The week between Christmas and New Year's always feels like The Dead Zone. I never understand why I am at work during this time, except for the fact that, annually, I am the guy who does not travel for the holiday and is therefore the one who gets stuck there, having forgetten to ask for time off six months ahead of time like everyone else.

Christmas this year felt odd and yet perfect. I got a great taste of holiday cheer--complete with music, tree, and presents--at Wayne's on Xmas Eve, with Lesley, Tammy, and Rebekah in attendance to continue our tradition of what I simply call "the bad present game." The object of said game is simply to wrap horrid presents as nicely as possible and then pass a die around the group and let everyone who rolls a "6" take a present; once distributed, you set a timer and then whoever rolls a "6" can steal a present from whomever they like. And even though you know it's going to be kinda sucky, you become totally fixated on presents when they are stolen from you. It's kind of evil, and therefore a lot of fun.

Christmas Day was, thankfully, 75 degrees, so I ventured to the beach and spent the day with Chrissy and two of her friends, drinking beer, wandering in the sand, and then grabbing Indian food--a nice change of pace from the usual day of staying inside and opening presents, cleaning up, and getting ready for guests. Part of me definitely misses the subtle pageantry of Christmas with Wayne, but I also was so unprepared for the holiday this year that I am glad I could let it slide by, somewhat unnoticed. I struck just the right balance between holiday and non-holiday.

But then there's that Dead Zone feeling--a week at work feeling itchy and unproductive. Evenings at home feeling lethargic and weird. James Brown died on Christmas, which seemed both a propos and utterly bizarre. Then Gerald Ford died. Then there was the two-year anniversary of the tsunami.

For some reason, though, Ford's deathmade me emotional, and I never get emotional watching presidents do anything. I think what did it, honestly, was watching all this footage of him be completely genuine, down-to-earth and obviously committed to what he was doing--which was trying to heal a country completely splintered by war and political scandal (sound familiar?). It made me even angrier about the administration we're saddled with right now, and how horribly one-dimensional Bush is--how utterly lacking in grace, wit, intelligence, and true compassion. Even more telling this evening was how all the footage of Ford that was airing on the NBC Nightly News was followed by a commerical about all the atrocities happening in Sudan and how 400,000 people have already died there without us truly intervening.

I know, it's all kind of a big downer, isn't it? And yet something seems very natural to me about reflecting on death at the end of the year. I don't say that because I'm depressed and hate New Year's Eve. I just find my thoughts often turning to people I wish had been here to witness the last 12 months, or those whom I wanted to poke me and tell me to stop taking everything so seriously. I remind myself of the blessings I have--like friends who will buy horrible $5 presents and wrap them magnificently and those who want to watch a warm sunset over the Pacific Ocean instead of cooking Christmas dinner.

The week isn't over yet, and I wonder what these last three days of 2006 will bring. I already had one night during which I got choked up watching Gerald Ford and then reviewed a Yoko Ono CD. How could it get any weirder?